Missionaries.

I don't know what you think when you hear the word "missionary". I think of the old stereotype of dowdy skirts, thick glasses, and all their "stuff" together. In other words they are very good people who love God and don't care much for the things of this world.

For this reason I hesitated for a long time to call myself a missionary. When I felt it was the right time to come down (I have felt this calling on my life for a long time) I knew I loved God. I knew I didn't wear skirts. I wore contacts. And most importantly, I didn't have my stuff together. So was I a missionary? What was my purpose in coming down here? To follow God's call on my life. I thought (and it turned out to be true) that I would also have a lot of fun.

I have met many missionaries since arriving. And let me tell you, it is true that they love God but they don't all have their stuff together. Does anyone really? I think we are continually striving to get to that point. The point of such complete oneness with God that all else just falls into place. Perfection. I believe this is something we will strive for our whole life and not actually see achieved here on earth. That can be a little depressing, but it is a fact. But that doesn't mean that we strive in vain. We learn new things every day. Things about ourselves. Things about God. Things about others. It is an interesting journey!

Lately I have not been striving. I haven't been reading my Bible or praying regularly. There are a few reasons for this but mostly it is due to laziness and no self-control when it comes to the TV (I am house-sitting for a friend who has cable). And I haven't been feeling good about that and I find I am not hearing God's voice at all. How can I hear him above the noise of my TV?

Yesterday I went to a 2 day conference for missionaries. There were about 25 of us and I knew about 5 of them. The average age (not including my own age and the one other girl who was 20) was definitely late 50's to 60's. This happens a lot. I have a couple of very close friends who are my age but the majority are older. This doesn't bother me like I thought it would. It is nice to have people who I respect and have much more knowledge than I and are freely willing to share with me. They are not perfect by any means. But they have gone through some of the stuff I am going through or have gone through in the past. I enjoy it to be honest. I have so much to learn from them.

The team that was here was from Gateway Church in Texas. There were 3 men who were leaders of something called Freedom Ministries. It was amazing. Bob Hamp's definition of freedom is "the ability to live life as the person you are created and redeemed to be." I learned so much. I don't think I can share much right now as there is a lot to process and work through. But it was good.

I don't have to be perfect or even pretend to be perfect to be a missionary. Oswald Chambers said "The goal of a missionary is to do God's will, not to be useful or to win the lost. A missionary is useful and does win the lost but that is not his goal. His goal is to do the will of his Lord." I love that. Kind of takes the pressure off! :) Hard to do, but it is ever so good when you do.

So in order to do His will, I need to be able to hear His voice. And in order to do that I need to pray and listen regularly, and study the word of God. We need times of quiet in order to hear. And we need practice in listening.

So for those of you who are getting geared up and busy with this Christmas season, I encourage you to take your time. Spend time with God. The best thing you could ever do for yourself.

This was a bit random and disjointed but I just wanted to put a few of my thoughts out there.

Goodnight!