I am here in Guatemala because I feel called by God to be here. And I have to say that getting here was the easy part. I have not started working yet because I am working on the language but when I think about the work I feel called to do (work in a clinic and learn to diagnose and treat) my stomach goes into knots. I am excited but very scared. I feel inadequate, and always have. I have so much to learn and I don't know if I can do it. So right there I am doubting God and his ability to use me.
This morning while praying I was reminded of Moses. He had an interesting life. I have heard a lot of stories about him but not really studied his life and his works. This morning I read about his calling to lead the Israelites away from the Egyptians. First of all, Moses questioned God 3 times. "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?" "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The Lord did not appear to you'?" Before this last sentence God had spent some time explaining what to say and what would happen. And still he worried about it!!! I love it. This from a man who went on the lead hundreds of thousands of people to freedom, the man who brought down the ten commandments, etc. God goes on to show him signs that he can perform to convince them. After that Moses says "I am slow of speech and slow of tongue".
He was terrified! And unbelieving that God would pull through. Or that God could actually use him. He had been a shepherd for years, living by himself with the sheepies. And this is God's reply:
"Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
Wow. Why is it so hard to trust God? And thank God this is recorded in the Bible. To show terrified people like me that there are (and have been) many others out there that were scared and yet were used to accomplish great things. And this is Moses reply after hearing reassurances time and again from God:
"O Lord, please send someone else."
I cried when I read that. He talked to God like I talk to the people around me. He had a "face to bush" conversation with God. Man! If only I could hear God speak that clearly to me! So if Moses was allowed to be scared and unsure of himself then I am too. The only thing is, we both have to be obedient. Moses was and I have to be as well. I am very insecure and unsure of being in such an important role in these people's lives. I want to make a difference and I want people to attribute the difference in my life and their lives, to God. And in order for God to use me I need to obey when it seems unfeasible. At the end when I meet face to face with God these are the words I want to hear: "Well done, good and faithful servant".
I had better get over myself and trust God that I am doing His will in my life.
That was beautiful, Naomi! I definitely can relate to all that you've written. It's scary to be obedient to what you know is your true calling, but it's encouraging to know that people in the Bible were just as freaked out as we are. Thanks for sharing - I really needed to hear that today.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Thank you so much for sharing. I was reading this passage a few weeks ago and thinking some of the exact same thoughts. God can use each of us - we just have to stop making excuses and start trusting. Man do I have a hard time with that one so often!
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