My "Aha" moment. (I refuse to watch Oprah anymore but her phrase seemed appropriate to quote)

I had a bit of a revelation this a.m. and needed to share it.

I am here in Guatemala because I feel called by God to be here. And I have to say that getting here was the easy part. I have not started working yet because I am working on the language but when I think about the work I feel called to do (work in a clinic and learn to diagnose and treat) my stomach goes into knots. I am excited but very scared. I feel inadequate, and always have. I have so much to learn and I don't know if I can do it. So right there I am doubting God and his ability to use me. 

This morning while praying I was reminded of Moses. He had an interesting life. I have heard a lot of stories about him but not really studied his life and his works. This morning I read about his calling to lead the Israelites away from the Egyptians. First of all, Moses questioned God 3 times. "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,'  and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?"  "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The Lord did not appear to you'?" Before this last sentence God had spent some time explaining what to say and what would happen. And still he worried about it!!! I love it. This from a man who went on the lead hundreds of thousands of people to freedom, the man who brought down the ten commandments, etc. God goes on to show him signs that he can perform to convince them. After that Moses says "I am slow of speech and slow of tongue".

He was terrified! And unbelieving that God would pull through. Or that God could actually use him. He had been a shepherd for years, living by himself with the sheepies. And this is God's reply:

"Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

Wow. Why is it so hard to trust God? And thank God this is recorded in the Bible. To show terrified people like me that there are (and have been) many others out there that were scared and yet were used to accomplish great things. And this is Moses reply after hearing reassurances time and again from God:

"O Lord, please send someone else."

I cried when I read that. He talked to God like I talk to the people around me. He had a "face to bush" conversation with God. Man! If only I could hear God speak that clearly to me! So if Moses was allowed to be scared and unsure of himself then I am too. The only thing is, we both have to be obedient. Moses was and I have to be as well. I am very insecure and unsure of being in such an important role in these people's lives. I want to make a difference and I want people to attribute the difference in my life and their lives, to God. And in order for God to use me I need to obey when it seems unfeasible. At the end when I meet face to face with God these are the words I want to hear: "Well done, good and faithful servant". 

I had better get over myself and trust God that I am doing His will in my life.

Warning: Eating carrot cake in the afternoon has the potential to ruin your appetite for dinner.

Hello all. 

I really have not been eating as many treats. But I ate a really good sugar crusted bagel with chocolate chip cream cheese (breakfast Sunday morning) and I really wanted one today. They were out. I was very disappointed actually. So I had 2 options: eat a cookie for 40 cents or carrot cake for $2.25. Well I was being greedy and went for the cake. What was really embarrassing was when I told Aura I wasn't very hungry at dinner and she asked if it was ice cream or cake that I had eaten. She knows me pretty well I guess (sheepish grin).

It has been a long time since I wrote last! I thought I wouldn't do this again. But I did. 

A couple of weeks ago I went to help Aura and her ladies group hand out food. Mostly it is to people who live far away in the mountains. In the morning I was recording weights and heights and in the afternoon I was doing the measuring and weighing. I had so much fun!!! Some of the kids were a little older (they had been at school in the a.m.) so I could talk to them. Some were pretty talkative. Two cousins approached me and chatted with me for a while. They were really cute! (of course) They were both 6 years old and one needed a little prodding from the other to be brave enough to talk to me. They each had a "boyfriend". I put that in parentheses as I really hope it wasn't true! One boyfriend was 8 and the other was 13. For pete's sake! No wonder they have babies at 13!! But I sure had fun with them. Another little girl was being measured and I said my standard Hi how are you. She said "good thank you". Thank you! I was so impressed!!!! I then told her I liked her sandals and she said thank you again! I could have taken her home then and there. I was talking to her mom and she is only 3 years old! She looked about 5 though. Weird. She didn't say  much more after that but I still loved her. 

By the end of the day my thighs were pretty sore from bending down and getting up again. Actually, the next day I had to lean pretty hard on the railing to get down the stairs they hurt so bad! At the time I thought "I should do lunges every day as I have already done the worst part" (always hurts the most after the first time). I will give you one guess as to whether or not that continued.

Last week I went to visit Ruth and her family. I always love going there. I have started to meet more people but it is so relaxing to be with someone who has known you for so long and doesn't care what you do or don't do. I read a lot of books. Sadly, the kids were sick (Sam mostly) and then Ruth had a really bad cold. I felt so bad for her. 

The first night I was there I arrived just in time for dinner (it was made and we just had to put it on the table. I have impeccable timing!) We had iced tea to drink (my first iced tea since being here and it was really good). I had poured myself a glass and we were all eating when Sam went into the kitchen. He was cutting a lime to put on his glass (as any well cultured 6 year old would). When he came back he had a glass for me as well! The limes here are much smaller so he had cut one in half, and then cut a slit in it to put in on the glass. So it wasn't just a slice it was half a lime. If my camera had been handy I would have taken a picture. It was so very cute!!

I am starting to meet new people. I am not to the point where I can stuff myself with popcorn and M&M's and lay on the coach moaning in the pain in front of the new people and feel okay with that but just give it time. It is so good to meet people who have been here for a while. I have so much to learn from them. 

I watched Mickey Blue Eyes this afternoon. I had forgotten how funny it is! My little brother used to do an impression of Hugh Grant trying to talk like a mobster. "Get outta hee". So funny!!!!!

Tomorrow I finally go to the malnourished kids house. I tried to go last week but it was so big I didn't know where to go. I met a girl at my school who is working there so she will show me around tomorrow. 

Have a great week!

Feliz Cumpleanos Juan Carlos!

Juan Carlos is the father in the house where I live. We had steak, rice, guacamole and cake. Hmmmmm. Oh... and don't forget the beans and tortillas!!! Really, what meal is right without those two things? I found out his favorite chocolate bar is Snickers with peanuts. Yesterday I went and bought 2 with peanuts and one with almonds. Because it was there. And I like almonds. But I seriously bought the almond one for him!!! But last night I was watching a movie and I was hungry and I ate it. :( The last chocolate bar I ate was when I had first got here. This Snickers tasted soooo good! And I would have been fine except that I told on myself today. :( Me and my big mouth. He just laughed. Problem is, he went to a marimba concert and the other two are sitting here on the bed with me!!!! But I don't like the peanut ones as much. 

Not much has been happening with me (Did I say that last time?) School and school and school and watching season 7 of 24. Sadly, I am done now. But the premiere of season 8 is on January 17. For those who didn't know. 

I am taking a few weeks off of school now. I will be volunteering in two different places. One is Herman Pedro, a home for handicapped babies to adults. Some of these kids and babies have families but it is not easy to care for a special needs child here. So they visit them when they can. I went to Hermano Pedro last time I was here but I have not made it there this time yet. But I have contacted a guy that volunteers there a lot and he will take me in this week.  The other is a house for malnourished kids and babies. From what I understand a lot of these kids have families as well. But they need volunteers to help feed, cuddle and work on developmental milestones. Does this not sound right up my alley? :) I am excited about it. 

 Today started out as a bad day and has unexpectedly turned into a great day so far! The last few days I have been feeling a little off. Bored and questioning myself, and throw in a little bit of self-pity (but really only a little) etc. So today I didn't want to go to church. I had been reading my Bible regularly and praying every day and feeling really good about it. Especially the praying. I had a daily prayer list and then another list I rotated through. I have never done that before. And I really liked it. I got out of the habit (which happens to me a lot. I have no self-control). And as a result I feel like my relationship with God has dwindled. I know He is still there for me but I am not there for Him. And this is why I moved to Guatemala. So I see a direct correlation between the two (at least I have some smarts! :)

And today God just threw little things at me to make me happy. For starters I really liked my hair this morning. Not such a big thing but something that made me feel a little better anyway. While I was on the bus to go to church, before we started moving, there was a group of people standing at the curb wanting to cross. The bus driver yelled out he window "Ciudad Vieja" and they had these blank looks on their face and one of them shrugged. Ciudad Vieja means Old City and he was essentially asking if that was where they were going so he could wait for them. This is a little thing but also made me a little happy that I have been here long enough to understand more of what goes on around me and I don't have to feel so "fish out of water"ish. I am sorry my happiness was at the expense of their confusion. I went to church and when I got there there were several teams taking up the back seats so I was mortified to have to sit in the 3rd row from the front!!! I have been getting to church early (by about 10 min) and I don't usually have anyone to visit with so it is awkward. So I was purposely late today. God showed me! But I was happy again as every week I go I understand more of the service and the words that I am singing. And it made me feel less like a visitor and more like I belong here. Then, I really liked what the pastor had to say. Even teared up a little. He pulls no punches and I like that. On the other hand, it is challenging. There are things in my life that need to change. Much as I like to think I do an okay job of being a good person/good christian, I have a LONG way to go. As we all do. But it is on me to change and follow more in God's footsteps. This is a hard task but worthwhile. 

I was invited to the family lunch today and I really feel like I am part of this family here. When Aura introduces me she calls me her older daughter. And I call her my mother. They (but especially Aura) go out of their way to help me out. I have even been invited for Christmas! It helps me feel safe to have a family like them here in Antigua with me. I will be with them until the en of August. They are a good family to live with as we talk all the time. 

And tonight I am going to someone's house for dinner. There is a student at the school who only comes for one hour every day so I don't have a chance to talk to her. We went on a field trip a while ago and I talked with her then. We exchanged numbers but have never hung out. So tonight I am going to her and her husbands place. Yay for friends with cars!!!!

So it turned out to be a good day. And I am praying that my week will go well too. Some new changes are possibly in the works and I won't go into detail but I would appreciate prayer. 

Oh. And I have been itch free for almost 8 weeks now!!!!!!!!!!! Isn't that the best news you have heard all day? :) Sadly, the new guy is not. He is allergic to his bites and has quite a few on his legs and arms and back. I, unthinkingly, tried to be helpful and said "Oh I had them really bad for the first 6 weeks I was here". I was trying to tell him that it is not all that unusual to have them but he replied "That is my whole trip!" Oops. 

I tried to think of something funny to write and I couldn't. I have let you all down. If my number of followers decreases I will know why. By the way, if you follow my blog will you "become a follower". Kind of swells my head a little when I know that a lot of people like reading it. Thanks.